I have never believed that God speaks to us in the ways of the old testament. Today's lesson was about Samuel and how God called his name and stood and spoke to him. How amazing would that be? I don't think God talks to us like that anymore, but I do believe he still talks to us. I believe he calls us to do things and leads us to things in the quiet moments when we are still enough to listen...rare for me! Yesterday, when I woke up it was on my mind that I needed to tell someone I had been praying for them. We haven't exactly been "on the same page" lately but I knew it was something I was "supposed" to do. So often when God tells me to do things I answer with "fiiiiiine" which is not the best attitude. So grumbling about it not making a difference I sent the text. It made a difference.
I have really been struggling with the ten year anniversary of my grandmothers death. There are still days when I think she will call. Yesterday, I went to the book store with my mom and in the historical fiction section (one of my favorites) I saw a book called "one more day" by Mitch Albom. It is not historical fiction. I could never bring myself to read "the five people you meet in heaven" but I have heard it was good. I looked at this book and just stood there. I have been asking, pleading really, for just one more day and now here is this book...fiiiiiine. I finished the book this afternoon. It was a great story of love, family and loss. Because I am trying to process rather than hide from things, here is why I want one more day....
After high school I went to live with my grandmother who had a brain tumor. She was, according to doctors, dying. I could not/would not accept this and in my 17 year old brain thought I could fix things. A week after I arrived, she went to the hospital. There were good days and bad days, funny moments and excruciating moments, sleepless nights and sleepy days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I watched her sign her will, plan her funeral, and decide how she would die. When she got home from the hospital she made me promise not to take her back, to let her stay at home as long as she could but to die at Grace Home so her house would always be a happy place. The day my grandmother went to hospice, my aunt told her she was going to the hospital. In the ambulance, she held my hand and said "you promised, you promised" and the betrayal in her eyes was almost unbearable. No matter how I tried to explain she never did believe me. Those were the last words she said to me, I can still hear them whenever I let someone down. I do not know what I would do with one more day. I want her to see Cal, to see Carrie with the man of her dreams, to know that I kept my promise. I see her in my dreams and rarely I hear her. So maybe I won't get one more day, maybe I will...either way in the stillness of the book store when I let myself just be, these are the times when God can move me and show up to give comfort. He is always there, I just have to be still enough to hear him.
I hope you find time today to be still and let God speak to you in the stillness. Because, yes, He is talking to you and to me!
