Rain, rain go away...

"Rain, rain go away. Come again some other day". Even as a kid this rhyme struck me as odd. Why would you want the rain to come another day? Isn't that just asking bad stuff to come back to visit? (I love rain, but it's figurative, people, keep up!)
So I didn't finish the "30 days of me" because, as usual, I got bored. I don't finish a lot of things because I get bored....it's a pretty bad habit. Recently, I've learned there are several things I need to work on...

1. I need to figure out what I want from life. My life may not be planned by me, but drifting without a goal can cause me to hurt others unintentionally.

2. I need to get it through my head that not everyone is going to hurt you, lie to you, betray you, or leave you alone.

3. I am not, despite my hopes, the controller of all things. Sometimes I have to hand the control to someone else and trust them.

4. Some people really do care, even about me, and it is incredibly unkind of me not to trust them when they have given me no reason not to.

5. Love, even thinking about it, is petrifying to me. There is something wrong with that. Letting that continue only let's someone else continue to steal the joy from my life. Go away joy stealer!!

6. I am not perfect. I am not all that outgoing. I can be grumpy and hard to get along with. I will never be the most beautiful or the life of the party, but there are people out there that will love me anyways, if only I will let them.

7. Words don't come easy to me. I prefer to write, but sometimes people need to hear the things that I am thinking in the moment. Sometimes the most honest thing I can do is tell people how I feel right then...even if it doesn't flow and I miss a few things.

I quite possibly gave up one of the greatest things in my life recently because I don't trust people. I let fear cause me to be...well...stupid. I don't know how to fix it and I don't know how to hand over control, but I want to or at the very least I want to learn. I am so sorry my sweet friend, please come back another day, but if you don't rain, rain go away and feel free not to come another day.